If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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