you would pick up someone in the library
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
