take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
