I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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