toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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