We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
