At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
