I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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