Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
