Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My pussy is not your playground.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
