They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
