Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
