Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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