We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
