Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
