I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
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I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
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