Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
