you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
