Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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