yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
