She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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