No more Irish car bombs ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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