I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
