Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
