we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
