So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
