Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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