4 words: hood of his car
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
