I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
