So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
