There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
