My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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