Soap is not a condiment
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
