To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
