Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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