sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
