The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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