According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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