How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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