The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
