dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
