Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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