Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
