I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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