Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
