I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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