My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do herpes really smell.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
