Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm drive I can fine osifer
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just want to make out with him forever
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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