sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
