: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
