dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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