We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
two words...techno handjob
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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