I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
