i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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