If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
