We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
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