I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
