I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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