idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
