i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
