the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
