im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
