haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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