Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
