yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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