i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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