just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
