As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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