I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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