We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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