Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
