Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
