I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
