he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
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